I had the perfect life. Beautiful and loving husband. Three gorgeous little girls. Successful career. The only thing missing was the white picket fence. I really wanted that fence. Three years ago, I lost that life. I lost my husband. And I lost myself. But, eventually, I found my way through the darkness. I’ve made peace with my new life. I have my girls, and that’s all that matters. They are my world. I have no illusions of ever falling in love again or getting whisked away on a white horse. But then he came back into my life. On a freakin’ motorcycle. There’s no way I’ll let him turn my life completely upside down. Absolutely no way. The question is… How long can I keep pretending that I’m happy with my life being right-side up?
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I turn my hand over and stroke his cheek. He puts his head down and I force him to look at me again.
“Shh, Blake. That’s enough. I don’t want to hear any of that right now. Derek’s death was tragic. It was heartbreaking. It was too much for me some days. But you listen to me. There is nothing you could have done if you were here that would have protected me from that pain. You need to know that. You need to believe that. I’m not going to waste time rehashing this crap, especially now that I finally have you back in my life. It happened. It’s over. I’m fine. End of story. I refuse to listen to you tear yourself up over something you had no control over.”
He says nothing more. He just grabs my wrist and pulls my body into his, being careful not to hurt my hand. He rests his cheek on top of mine and whispers solemnly into my ear, “Never again, Alex. Never. Again.”
He leaves his cheek against mine and I feel his breath in my ear. He wraps his big arms around me and we stay like that for some time. The warmth from the closeness of our bodies and the heat of his breath in my ear cause my heart rate to triple. Yet, with my heart beating a million miles a minute, I feel a strange calm. I want to let go of everything. I want to sink my body into his and let him be strong for me. I want to let him take my pain, my sadness, my exhaustion…everything that keeps me from being truly happy. I want his arms to stay around me… his warmth and protection. But as a familiar lump forms in my throat, I know this will never happen.
I can’t allow it.
I won’t allow it.
Blake is more right than he could possibly know.
About the Author
L.B. Simmons is a graduate of Texas A&M University and holds a degree in Biomedical Science. She has been a practicing Chemist for the last 11 years. She lives with her husband and three daughters in Texas and writes every chance she gets.
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